Iako je internet doneo mnogo toga dobrog i zaista umnogome olakšao čoveku štošta, unapredio i ubrzao komunikaciju i iako su pozitivne strane preovladale, ne mogu se a ne osvrnuti na jedan detalj ali nus-pojavu informatičke tehnologije u vreme novogodišnjeg praznovanja.
Kada sam ja bila mala (što i nije bilo tako davno), ljudi su još uvek u značajnom broju slali čestitke jedni drugima za novogodišnje praznike. Taj je običaj preživljavao i u vreme najveće nemaštine 90ih u mnogim domovima. Bila je radost ugledati poštara ili čestitke udenute u vrata, a posebno su bile drage one naslovljene na baš naše ime, iako upućene celoj porodici. Onda se poređaju na neko „pokazno“ mesto, ispod jelke recimo, ili kako je to kod nas bilo – na kaminu.
Ali, običaj je počeo polagano da odumire. Sa sve većom ekspanzijom upotrebe interneta postaje lakše i ekonomičnije poslati e-čestitku. Štaviše, ovo čak i nije neka opšte rasprostranjena praksa za pojedinca, koliko za organizacije, firme i druge grupacije, no „prava“ čestitka postaje sve ređa u svakom slučaju. Ne znam je li to samo sa mnom slučaj, ali ja te mejlove više i ne otvaram. Jer, poruka je svuda ista, kratka, retko kreativna, slika često već viđena (neću pominjati ovde i pitanje copy right-a) ili ponovljena iz godine u godinu; mejl nije poslat meni kao osobi, već meni kao članici neke liste (neke i ne svojevoljno..), a ime pošiljaoca vidim i bez otvaranja mejla. Da, bilo je i ranije copy-paste čestitki koje šalju firme, ali bar je bila „prava“. Svakako, reč je o nekakvom internet bon-tonu i dobroj prilici za povećanje vidljivosti i mali marketing. Ali reč je i o kvazi-pažnji i kvazi-poštovanju. Tu su svakako i raznorazne FB aplikacije za slanje novogodišnjih poklona, želja i čestitki, što je možda u prvobitnom susretu sa istim bilo interesantno i novo (animacije, flash i slično), ali je brzo postalo dosadnjikavo i nesvrhovito.
Jer, šta bi trebalo da je svrha novogodišnje čestitke?
Celu stvar oko čestitki ja vidim kao svojevrsni „strouk* ritual“. Poruka koju čestitka šalje je: mislim na tebe, značiš mi nešto, upućivanje blagonaklonih želja i na koncu i sa raznih uglova gledano, jednostavno: VREDIŠ. Vrediš toliko da sam za tebe izabrao-la ovu čestitku, svojeručno je napisao-la, možda stavio-la i u koverat i poslao-la je poštom. Čestitka se šalje ljudima koje volimo, do kojih nam je stalo, koje poštujemo, sa kojima želimo da stvorimo, razvijemo ili održimo neku vrstu pozitivnog odnosa, ljudima iz privatne sfere, ali i saradnicima i onima koje vrednujemo na neki način.
Za razliku od pravih čestitki, e-čestitke su bez ličnog pečata (najčešće, ali čast izuzecima!), ne možemo ih čuvati godinama pa ih razgledati ili staviti ispod jelke (ili bar to niko ne čini), nemaju tu draž. Štaviše, mnoge od njih vrede koliko i spam ili u nešto svetlijoj varijanti koliko i „junk strouk“ i verujem da bi se veliki broj primalaca složilo sa ovim utiskom. E-čestitke nisu po sebi sada neko zlo, ali i nemaju neku suštinsku vrednost, odnosno drugačijeg su kvaliteta, a alternativa postoji. Bar kad je o bliskim ljudima i prijateljima reč, ako nam je cilj da izmamimo osmeh, poželimo srećnu sledeću godinu i pošaljemo strouk koji nije „junk“ – koštaće nas tek nešto više da to uradimo na stari dobri tradicionalni način, a vredeće znatno više. Jedna obična čestitka košta oko 10rsd, a verujem da ni markica nije nepriuštiva, dok vreme koje smo utrošili da ih ubacimo u sanduče govori da nam je osoba kojoj je šaljemo vredna tog minimalnog truda. S druge strane, i sam čin pisanja čestitke može biti zabavan i prijatan za onog ko šalje, dok mentalizujemo reakciju osobe kojoj pišemo i ponovo proživljavamo međusobni odnos. Tako da celokupan proces može prožimati obostrano zadovoljstvo. Naravno, kome je to isključivo nametnuta obaveza verovatno to i ne treba da radi.
Svakako, danas ljudi nemaju običaj da kao nekada uzmaju tuđu adresu, pa često ni fiksni telefon (koji može poslužiti za pribavljanje adrese), što otežava faktor iznenađenja pri slanju čestitke ako moramo da direktno pitamo za nju. Takođe može biti problem i onima koji bi da uzvrate strouk što bi pošiljalac mogao protumačiti i kao diskaunt, te je u ovom slučaju uputno slati čestitku sa kovertom na kojoj je i adresa pošiljaoca. I opet, iako nam internet krade ponešto od tradicionalnih običaja (nebitno čijih dok god su u svrhu unapređivanja međuljudskih odnosa), u ovom slučaju može poslužiti da mobilišemo prijatelje na ovu aktivnost i podsetimo se koliko je prava čestitka značajnija od virtuelne... ili da bar pokušamo. No, najveći poziv na vraćanje ovom običaju jeste da upravo sami pošaljemo prvi čestitke, kao što je jedan moj prjatelj nedavno zaključio, te da pored inicijatorske, proaktivne uloge takođe i proverimo koliko i drugima vredi naš strouk i da li će ga uzvratiti.
Strouk koji novogodišnja čestitka prenosi je simboličan, ali značajan i kumulativno niz tih malih stroukova koje poređamo ispod jelke i koje prime i pošalju i drugi ljudi i u drugim gradovima, doprinosi stvaranju novogodišnje atmosfere u kojoj se međuljudski odnosi neguju a ljudi ljudima poručuju: ja sam ok, ti si ok.
*Strouk je osnovna jedinica pažnje koja pruža stimulaciju pojedincu. A svima je potrebna stimulacija. Ja sam Ok, Ti si Ok znači da niko nije inferioran i da svako ima pravo na priliku da bude tretiran jednakim i da ostvari svoje bazične potrebe, uključujući i potrebu za stroukovima (Woollams i Brown, 1978). Strouk može biti dodir, osmeh, poklon, pohvala, kompliment... svaka vrsta potvrde da vredimo kao bića ili da je naše ponašanje ok..
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Although internet brought lots of good and made easy great deal of things to a man, improved and accelerated communication and although positive sides prevailed, I can’t not to look back at one detail but side effect of IT during New Year holidays.
When I was little (which wasn’t so long time ago), people still use to send NY postcards to each other in significant number. That custom survived even through most difficult times of 90’s in many homes. It was happiness to spot mailman or cards threaded in the doors, and those addressed specifically to our name were particularly dear, although sent to the whole family. Then they are placed on some “showing” place, under the tree for exp, or as it were with us – on the fireplace.
But, custom started to die out slowly. With all spread expansion of internet usage, it becomes easier and more economical to send an e-card. Moreover, this is not some wide spread practice for individual, as much for organizations, companies and similar groups, but nevertheless “real” card becomes more and more rarity. I don’t know if this is the case just with me, but I don’t even bother to open such emails anymore. Because, message is same everywhere, short, rarely creative, picture often already seen (not going to mention question of copy rights here too) or repeated from year to year; email is not sent to me as a person, but to me as member of some list (some even not voluntarily), and the name of a sender I can read anyway without opening an email. Yes, there were before copy-paste cards send by firms, too, but at least they were real. Of course, it is about some internet bon tone and fine opportunity for visibility increase and for small marketing. But it is also about pseudo-attention and pseudo-respect. There are also all kinds of FB applications for sending gifts, wishes and cards, which was maybe interesting and new (animations, flash and similar) at first glance, but then it became boringish and purposeless.
For, what is supposed to be a purpose of NY cards?
Whole thing about cards I see as sort of “stroke* ritual”. Message that card sends is: I think of you, you mean something to me, sending benevolent wishes, and at the end and from various angles looked: YOU ARE WORTH. And you worth that much that I picked this card for you, wrote it with my own hand, put it in the envelope and mailed it. Card is sent to the people we love, people we care about, to the people we respect, and with whom we want to create, develop or maintain some sort of positive relationship, people from private sphere but also to associates and to the ones we value in some way.
Unlike real cards, e-cards don’t have personal touch (usually, but respect to exeptions), we can’t keep them for years and browse occasionally or put under the tree (or at least nobody do that), they don’t have that charm. Moreover, many of them worth as much as spam or in a lighter version as much as “junk stroke” and I believe that great deal of receivers would agree with this impression. E-cards are not some kind of evil per se, but they don’t have some essential value either, that is, they are of different quality, and alternative exist. At least when it comes to close people and friends, if our goal is to elicit a smile, wish happy next year and to send stroke which is not “junk” – it will cost us just a bit more to do it in a good old fashioned way, and it will worth significantly more. One postcard is about 0,10€ here, and I am sure that stamp is not unaffordable, while time we spent to mail them speaks that the person we are sending card to is worth of that minimal effort. On the other hand, the very act of writing a card can be fun and pleasant for the sender, while we mentalise reaction of the person to whom we are writing and reliving mutual relationship. Therefore, satisfaction can permeate the entire process. Of course, when this is perceived as exclusively imposed obligation, one probably should not do it.
Of course, today people don’t really have a habit to, as they use to, take addresses, even home phone for that matter (which can serve for getting an address), which can hinder the element of surprise at sending, if we have to ask directly for it. Also, this might be a problem and for those who would like to respond a stroke, which sender could interpret as a discount, so in such case it is advisable to send card in an envelope that contains sender’s address, too. And again, although internet steals us somewhat of traditional customs (irrelevant whose as long they are in purpose of improvement of interpersonal relationships), in this case it can serve us to mobilize friends to this activity and recall how much more real card is significant than virtual one… or at least to try. Nevertheless, greatest call to return to this custom is exactly to send cards first by our selves, as one friend of mine concluded recently, so to beside initiator, proactive role, also check how much our stroke worth to others and whether they will return it.
Stroke that NY card carries is symbolic, but important and cumulatively number of these little strokes that we place under fir tree and that other people in other cities receive and send as well, contributes to creation of NY atmosphere in which interpersonal relationships are nourished and in which one are saying to another: I am ok, you are ok**.
*A stroke is a unit of attention which provides stimulation to an individual. An everyone needs stimulation (Woollams and Brown, 1978).
** I’m OK – You’re OK means that no one is inferior and everyone is entitled to the opportunity to be treated as an equal and to have his basic needs met, including the need for strokes (Woollams and Brown, 1978).
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