Koju igru igraš? / Games people play

Razumevanje ljudskog ponašanja

Koju igru igraš?

Transakciona analiza je racionalni pristup razumevanju ponašanja, koji je baziran na pretpostavci da svako može da nauči da poštuje sebe, da misli za sebe, donosi sopstvene odluke, ispoljava svoja osećanja. Njeni principi mogu se primeniti na poslu, kod kuće, u učionici, u susedstvu - gde god imamo posla sa ljudima - Muriel James & Dorothy Jongeward, Životni pobednik



Piše MILENA STOŠIĆ (milena.stosic@wavemagazine.net)



Igrati igre čak ni u laičkom rečniku ne nosi sa sobom preterano pozitivnu konotaciju. Najčešća je asocijacija na muško - ženske odnose, femkanje, zavaravanje, neiskrenost. U izvesnom smislu tumači se čak i kao pokazatelj inteligencije, domišljatosti i iskustva. U rečniku transakcione analize (TA) pak, Igre koje ljudi međusobno igraju su obično nesvesne i imaju karakter nepoštenja. Kako Erik Bern, osnivač TA objašnjava - u njima se folira i neko uvek ućari. A igrač nije samo narator već i akter, čija uloga ne završava hepiendom.

Na prvi pogled mnogi bi mogli da negiraju igranje Igara, verovatno zato što je čovek skloniji da posmatra kritički ljude i svet oko sebe negoli svoju malenkost, ali i zbog toga što se većina ovih ponašanja dešava na nesvesnom nivou. Knjiga Erika Berna Koju igru igraš postala je bestseler šezdesetih godina i dan-danas je popularna, moguće upravo zbog toga jer kad dublje zavire u sebe i analiziraju svoje ponašanje, ljudi prepoznaju određenu igru. A igra izgleda kao običan isečak iz života pojedinca. Neupadljiva, svima bliska, ali repetitivna.

Igre o kojima Bern govori imaju karakteristične, životne nazive iz kojih se već može naslutiti fabula - "Vidi šta sam napravio zbog tebe", "Da nije bilo tebe", "Frka", "Hoću samo da ti pomognem", "Lokalni mudrac", "Šutni me", "Seljanka", "Doš'o si mi na zicer, đubre"... U dolazećim godinama prvobitni Bernov inventar igara se proširivao, pa tako danas govorimo i o Igrama koje igraju narkomani poput "Stari džanki", "Drogiran i ponosan", o kojima je pisao dr Zoran Milivojević, Igrama koje igraju alkoholičari (Klod Štajner), Igrama koje igra vaš kućni ljubimac (Bruce Fogle).

Igre se mogu igrati u bilo kom životnom kontekstu, bio to brak, radno mesto ili društvo u celini, a Bern još govori i o Igrama iz podzemlja, Seksualnim igrama, Dobrim i Životnim.

Kako je sve počelo

Igre se uklapaju u nesvesni životni plan čoveka, koji se još naziva skript ili scenario u transakcionoj analizi. Dete na osnovu ranih iskustava donosi odluku o tome kakav će mu biti scenario, dobrim delom zahvaljujući odnosu sa roditeljima i kasnije ga kroz život potvrđuje svojim ponašanjem, a i Igre su jedan od njih. Klasifikuju se kao jedan od načina struktuiranja vremena, pored drugih mogućnosti kao što su rituali, razonode, povlačenje ili rad. I upravo ispunjavanje vremena može biti jedna od dobiti igranja Igara, od toga da se uspuni deset minuta do celi život.



U igri uvek postoji skrivena motivacija i dobit za igrače. Igrač baca udicu, drugi se peca (što ne smanjuje njegovu odgovornost) i dolazi do obrta u komunikaciji koja poprima sasvim drugi pravac.

Transparentna Igra je na delu u slučaju žena koje su donele skriptnu odluku da su "svi muškarci neverni", da se "muškarcima ne može verovati" i slično. Ove žene delom sebe ulaze u veze sa muškarcima, ali usled postojanja unutrašnjeg konflikta i potrebe da se potvrdi skript, dolazi do obrta u kome one nalaze "dokaze" i raskidaju vezu, zaključivši kako su, eto, nažalost opet bile u pravu.

Bliskost (intimacy)

Igre, kao način potvrde ranog mišljenja o sebi, traženja smisla ili ispunjavanja vremena onemogućavaju otvoren, iskren i autentičan odnos među ljudima. Lakše je igrati igre nego se upuštati u rizik da budemo povređeni, a da ipak dobijemo minimum interakcije i potvrda od drugih. Bern navodi bliskost kao često zastrašujući, ali sigurno i najlepši izbor struktuiranja vremena u kome nema igara ni manipulacija. Svi ljudi koji su jednom imali bliskost sa nekim u svom iskustvu sigurno će posvedočiti u superlativima o ovim kontaktima. Svako ima potencijala da ostvari bliskost i svi smo rođeni za uspeh. A ipak ima tako mnogo Gubitnika i tako mnogo Igara i ljudi koju su nezadovoljni svojim odnosima i životom. No ipak, dobro je znati da je promena moguća i da je njena klica u nama. Što bi Bern rekao - možda nema nade za ljudsku rasu, ali je ima za poneke njene pripadnike.



(Objavljeno: 15.06.2010. u Wave magazinu)

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Understanding human behavior

Games people play

Transactional analysis is a rational approach to understanding behavior which is based on the assumption that everyone can learn to respect themselves, think for themselves, make their own decisions, and express emotions. Its principle can be applied at the worksite, at home, in classroom, neighborhood - anywhere we can meet people - Muriel James & Dorothy Jongeward, Life winner


By MILENA STOŠIĆ (milena.stosic@wavemagazine.net)


Playing games even in layman terms doesn't have a very positive connotation. The most common associations are those of male - female relations, pretending, cheating and not being honest. To a certain degree it is interpreted even as a demonstration of intelligence, wittiness and experience. On the other hand, in the dictionary of transactional analysis (TA), the Games people play are usually subconscious and have a characteristic of being dishonest. As Eric Bern, the founder of TA explains it - through playing we are faking and someone always wins. And the player is not only a narrator but also a participant whose role does not end happily.

At a first glance many could deny playing Games probably due to the fact that people tend more to observe critically other people and the world around them than themselves but also because most of these behaviors is happening on a subconscious level. Eric Bern's book Games people play has become a best-seller in the 60s and it is popular to this day probably exactly because when people look deep inside themselves and analyse their behavior they recognize a certain game. A game looks like a simple cutting from an individual's life, not so obvious, close to everybody but repetitive.

The games Bern talks about have typical, everyday life names which give you a peek into the fable - "Look what I made for you", "If it weren't for you", "A fuss", "I only want to help you", "Local wiseman", "Dump me", "Country girl", "Now you'll pay, scum" and so on. In the years after the publication Bern's inventory has grow so now we talk about Games played by junkies such as "Old junkie", "Stoned and proud" written by Zoran Milivojevic, MD, Games played by alcoholics (Claude Steiner), Games played by your pet (Bruce Fogle).

Games can be played in any life context whether it is marriage, work place or the society as a whole and Bern also talks about the Games from the underground, Sex games, Good and Life games.

How it all began

Games fit into the person's subconscious life plan also called script or scenario in transactional analysis. A child, based on its early experiences, makes a decision on what its scenario will be mostly thanks to its relationship with parents and it confirms it later on throughout life with its behavior and Games are one of them. They are classified as one of the ways to structure time along with other possibilities such as rituals, retreat or work. And it is the structuring of time that can be one of the gains of playing Games. They can fill out 10 minutes or your entire life.



Games always contain secret motivation and gain for the players. The player throws a bait, the other one is hooked (that doesn't undermine his responsibility) and there is a twist in communication that completely changes direction.

Transparent Game is at stake in the case of women who have made the script decision that "all men are unfaithful", that "men can't be trusted" and so on. These women enter the relationships with men only partly but due to the existence of an inner conflict and the need to affirm the script there is a twist in which they find "evidence" and break the relationship off, concluding that they were, after all, right.

Intimacy

Games, as a way of affirming an early opinion of self, seeking sense and filling time do not enable open, honest and authentic relations among people. It is easier to play games than to get involved in the risk of being hurt but to still gain the minimum of interaction and affirmation from others. Bern states intimacy as an often intimidating but surely the most beautiful choice for structuring time without games or manipulations. All the people who have shared intimacy with someone in their experience are sure to testify about this contact with words of praise. Everybody has the potential to establish intimacy and we are all born to succeed. But still, there are so many Losers and so many Games and people who aren't satisfied with their relationships and life. Still, it is good to know that change is possible and that its seed is in us. As Bern would say - maybe there isn't hope for human race but there is for some of its members.



(Published: 12.06.2010. in Wave magazine)